Sunday, June 01, 2003
Crossroads
The past few days marked a crossroad in my life. I had to make a very important decision.There's nothing I want more right now than the wisdom to know the things I can and cannot change. Sometimes you think you do...but sometimes you just don't know. So many factors cloud the mind, making discernment next to impossible.
The dilemma: leave an ass of a boss but worry about meeting the needs of my family or stay and put up with the asshole and ensure food on the table and a roof over our heads?
To many this may be a very simple situation that require no complicated solution. High-principled people will say, "LEAVE!" Practical people will say, "It's better to be safe than sorry."
Leave...that's the easy part. It's facing the consequences that may leave you breathless. I can never stand working with someone who had constantly rubbed me the wrong way and had never really earned my trust and respect. It's hard enough to deal with the everyday hassles at work without having to cope with a dysfunctional boss.
Better safe than sorry...that's the pragmatic side of me speaking. Times are hard and it's no joke being a single parent to an eight-month old. The expenses keep piling up faster than the money ever did. The list sends a buzz in my head. Tolerance they say is a virtue, considering what it will take out of me to just sit (but not relax) and take in stride a dysfunctional colleague.
An asshole is like a bitter pill to swallow. It will always leave a bad taste (or should I say stench instead?) in the mouth and will give you an indigestion. But a pill, no matter how bad, can be flushed out of your system. Give it time and lots of patience. The question though is can your system take it until that time comes? Or is it like a poison that'll kill your spirit softly?
Last Friday I had to make a decision. Should I swallow the pill or just turn away from it? What will happen to my family if I choose to turn away? Such a difficult crossroad to get by.
A decision had been made.
I need to nurture my broken spirit now for the sake of my little baby...A spirit that's whole brings you beyond the bounds of your own limitations. I'm leaving my job and living my life.
