Sunday, August 17, 2003
She's one?!
I can't believe it. My little Reb will turn a year old barely a month from now!!!It seems just yesterday when she was so easy to live with...she sleeps, stops crying when you give her milk and then sleeps again. Then suddenly you find yourself gasping for air and stoning yourself with pain killers as you spend the day following her around. Sleep seems the farthest from her mind these days...and even in sleep, she can't seem to keep still.
As her big day approaches, I find myself having mixed feelings. I want time to stop or slow down a little...and yet I would like time to speed up. I want the baby in my arms to stay a cute little baby for a longer time. The small feet, the gummy smile, the little fingers, the thin patch of hair...the innocence of a baby is always calming.
And yet the naughty sparkle in her eyes brought about by new experiences keep me so amazed at how much she has grown since I first held her in my arms. Seeing her learn new things (and tricks) made me see her in a different light. The tiny baby has become a whole new person who loves her mixed vegetable cereal, cannot sleep well without her Chicco doll, loves going outside just to smell (and eat) the flowers (and everything else her little hand gets a hold of), hates the heat of the sun and can babble the whole day. She has become her own person and continues to evolve.
This dynamic little person has reminded me that life in its simplest form can keep us happy and free. That discovering new things without the trappings of norms and standards can bring about experiences that last a lifetime. That it's those that push us beyond the barriers that define us as a person. Babies walk when they want to walk...talk when they want to talk...cry when they want to cry. Sometimes we forget that we can do things any way we want. Sometimes we get too trapped within the dictates of others. We tend to forget that we have the option to do things our way without having to feel the guilt of doing so. That it's still okay to get out of the box once in a while and smell (or even eat) the flowers.
My baby has taught me to be free again...to touch base with my child-like self (as opposed to childish...). Children set their own borders and that is why during those first years, we have to give them the space to explore and discover. The first step, the first word, the first smile...these happen at a time of their choosing. And that is why they find life so exciting. I want that for myself again too...
